We were excited to move onto our new property, where we plan to grow the bulk of our own food and restore some areas to native forest, two months ago. Just before we found and bought the property I had an accident that resulted in damage to a disc in my back and to my left shoulder. The accident has meant that in the last two months I have not been able to garden at all on our new property, instead having to ask my partner and our guests (we belong to an organic hosting scheme and have guests from overseas who work and learn with us in the garden) to implement all of my plans for the garden. In addition, the accident has meant I can’t do yoga and a whole bunch of other things I love to do. Yesterday morning this situation resulted in a great example of how EFT can lead us to emotional freedom in our daily lives.
We had some new guests through the organic scheme and I had designed a new kitchen garden, and my partner and our guests were keen to implement it. We started with laying it out and as my partner and I discussed how to do that, I felt my frustration building. My partner made a couple of comments to me which I accused him of being defensive and blaming and I stormed into the house saying that I wasn’t adding any value and he didn’t want my input anyway so they would be better off doing it all without me!
I headed for my bedroom and started tapping:
Even though he gets defensive whenever I suggest another way, and that makes me so angry, I deeply and completely love and accept myself
Even though he doesn’t want me to be involved, he always thinks he knows best…
Even though I’m fed up with him not listening to me…
A couple of rounds of tapping led to the inevitable shift from focusing on it being “all his fault” to what I was actually feeling. Beneath what was presenting was an incredibly strong feeling of frustration:
Even though I’m so frustrated that I couldn’t just take the sticks and string and show them what I wanted to do, instead I had to try to explain everything in the limited container of words which is all I can use these days since I can’t bend, and it’s just sooooo frustrating…
Even though it’s driving me nuts being in the garden and not being able to do anything but stand and watch…
Even though I feel so useless because I can’t do a single thing in the garden…
A few rounds of tapping through the feelings of frustration, and the frustration gave way to sobs and an enormous pool of grief. I cried and cried and tapped on the feelings of grief, not being able to be the physical part of the garden we are creating, not being able to be a part of the team, all the things I can’t do at the moment because of the physical limitations I have while not being able to bend to allow the disc to heal, etc.
Half an hour after my little tantrum, I was back in the garden. Having accepted and truly acknowledged the deep well of grief (aided by my partner and our guests also compassionately witnessing and accepting my deep emotions), I was able to realise that I am a part of the team. I had done the whole design for the garden and was key in coming up with the whole concept and communicating what we want to achieve to our guests. I spent the rest of the day enjoying simply being in the garden with the others as they turned my plans on paper into a reality on the ground. Nothing had changed on the outer – I still couldn’t bend over or do anything to create the garden physically, but I had accepted my role in it and could enjoy the others creating it. That’s emotional freedom!
I am so very thankful for EFT, which allows me to turn towards my emotions, instead of pushing them down without even realising that I’m doing it. Here’s to us all finding our way towards true emotional freedom.
Jo Hainsworth
New Zealand
From the EFTfree Archives, which are now a part of EFT International .
Originally published on February 16, 2010.
Gillian Wightman says
Jo
What a lovely example of how we can’t change the circumstances but we can change our response, once we have ‘allowed’ ourselves to express our feelings.
This reminded me of myself a few weeks ago, different situation, but my husband took me down a black ski run by mistake thinking it was an easy and I froze and got stuck. I even threw my skis down the mountain, I was so scared and angry. So I took of my mitts,(big sacrifice in the snow) and, not as eloquently as you allowed all my feelings to flow, that heated me up! Its as well he had made it safely down. Once I did that I could see clearly how bad he must be feeling too as it was a mistake. I also clearly saw my path down the steep slope. I skied down to big cheers from a huge group watching me and their friend who was also stuck, and we had a wonderful afternoon. but without the tapping I think I would have hit him with my ski poles plus had to go all the way down on my backside, which I have done in the past!
I love your sharing:)
Gill