Anna-Lena and the “Russian Tanks in My Neck”

Note: This is a follow-up session from the one entitled "Anna-Lena and the Knife Attack" which can be found by searching this website for the article title or the author's name.

4 days later : Anna-Lena indicated that the previous session had been very good for her. She also reported that the first night after our session had not been too good "because of all the pictures standing before my eyes but the second and third night were much better than the nights before." I asked for the neck and shoulder pain, and she reported having pain under her right shoulder blade and that this would always come when she was tired: "It starts when I get tired and radiates downwards...“

The pain had appeared the first time while she had a 10-year-long period of enduring stress after she had returned from the US back to the Netherlands. It was a time in which "I had to fix everything all by myself – you cannot imagine what happened all together." I saved all this as information about previous exposures to bigger stress events (probably rooting in the earlier mentioned war incidents) and planned to get back to this later. I also noticed that feeling responsible for others still was a big item for her.

I next asked Anna Lena, "If there was a feeling that belonged to this pain – what could that be?“ and her answer was: "There's something in my neck...“ And I continued asking: "Do you think about something specific sitting in your neck?“ Her answer – after hesitating for a while – was: "It's the Russian tanks which are coming from the behind... We were taking flight in the war, coming from the east, being haunted by the Russian tanks ...“ I decided to follow this track but not forget about the proper ending and testing for the Berlin knife attack.

Collecting information and additional modalities with regard to the "Russian tanks“: the flight of Anna-Lena's mother, Anna-Lena (being 7 years old) and her younger sister in the automn of 1944. They left on foot, wearing homemade shoes from her mother. "We had to take flight very quickly;" her mother was fearing "the rapes." My questions bring up that she doesn't remember her mother talking about "the rapes“ but that a dark, heavy fear was covering everything and has encroached over from her mother to her, a feeling of "something dangerous is coming from behind“ and "I have these antennas.“ Anna-Lena can still see the Russian tanks and has to put off the TV when they show pictures of these: "I don't want to see these tanks.“

Anna-Lena then draws the obvious connection by herself between the "danger coming from the behind“ of the Berlin incident (the knife attack) and the "Russian tanks coming from the behind“ when she was a 7 year old child on the flight.

She identified the following aspects in connection with the Russian tanks, which we addressed:

these excessive demands... this complete helplessness... this fear in my neck... this fear from the Russian tanks...
this fear I absorbed from my mother... this fear... that is totally normal because a child is connected with her mother... this fear, which I overtook quite naturally in loving and feeling responsible for my mother and my little sister...
this responsibility I accepted... this responsibility a child takes for its parents... because it needs them so badly... and depends totally on them...
this big danger... I coudn't do anything about it... it was not my fault...

this fear I froze in my neck... because I was so helpless and overwhelmed... and full of fear of terror... all this danger coming from the behind...
and I've done my best... under given circumstances- I survived... and I'm safe now...
this remaining fear of...

Like in the first session Anna-Lena again had big yawning onsets, occasionally reported cognitive shifts and that the tensions in her shoulders and neck were relieving...

I also love to work with the Inner Child and was thinking about making contact with the former Inner Child of 7 years. First I introduced Anna-Lena to the concept of Inner Child Work and then asked her wether she could imagine herself as this 7 year old she had been then. It showed up that she somehow had problems with imagining herself as a child and we addressed this: Even though I have problems somehow to make contact with the Inner Child I have been then... this is all so unpleasant for me... I love and accept all parts of me... and this 7 year old Anna-Lena... who felt so helpless and overwhelmed then...

A new attempt to address her Inner Child of this age brought up a memory of her being 6 years old, having long plaits on each side. She was allowed to hold a "Schultüte“ (German custom on the first day of school: children get a big cornet made of cardboard filled with a bunch of mixed sweeties) for the pictures taken and had to give it back afterwards. She didn't have one to keep for herself because there was hardly anything available to eat, let alone sweets, this hurt the little child again so much...

Even though I cannot really perceive this 7 year old Anna-Lena... the little girl that I was then... I take my hat off to her... I deeply and completely accept and appreciate her... for achieving to save her life... she survived... and helped the adult Anna-Lena to be here... and through time and space... I send now... to the 7 year old I was then... a huge parcel filled with love... appreciation... respect... and tribute for her unbelievable achievements... she survived... and her mom and sister too... and I now send her this wonderful parcel... which she would have needed then... but that doesn't matter now... I'll give it to her now...

In the middle of the sentence I asked her if this was ok and she responded in a very pleased and highly motivated manner. I asked then: what does this parcel look like? She responded it being a pink parcel with a beautiful loop on it, "the way my mother always did“

… and by this I hand out this wonderful pink parcel full of love, respect and appreciation to you... and you may open it if you want...

is there something in it? (I asked)

Yes- (she responded):… golden light is coming out of it...

Can you see the 7 year old Anna-Lena standing there?

Yes... she's standing in a dark room, which is filled with dark grey fog... and the golden light is spreading slowly and eliminating the dark grey wafting... it's now in front of her... and spreading to the both sides of her body slowly...

Even though the golden, wonderfully sparkling and glittering light has not yet spread into all of the corners... I love this light and the 7 year old Anna-Lena I was then...

I felt my neck prickling and asked her if there's been a change in her neck- and Anna-Lena confirmed: colour is a beautiful foggy light blue now in my shoulder and turning to a light grey upwards to the neck, "like fog lifting.“

Fear of tanks? Answer: SUD 2-3 now: "the worst is this uncertainty- not knowing which danger comes next“

Even though this memory of this uncertainty... is the worst... this uncertainty is still embedded into all my cells..... in my neck... and in my shoulders... and in all my muscles of my shoulders and neck...

… all these memories about this fear in all my cells... and I'm open to the possibility for these memories to leave me... if they want... I release them... if you want you can leave... I release you... all these remaining memories...

Anna-Lena pointed out that she's feeling much lighter... about all these memories and discomfort she's been carrying around since she was 7...

Testing: How do you feel now? Is it ok for you to release all these memories?... to be free of them?... How does it feel for you to feel different?... actually to be a different person? Do you feel scared?

No. This feels good!

Testing: And what about your family?

She hesitated:... I don't know whether my sister likes me having changed...

Even though my little sister will probably not get along very good... with me being different suddenly... and me being lighter... and me being lively... and me not being so serious and responsible...

(and A. added:)... and I don't have to be responsible for everything and everybody anymore!

I choose to know that this is her problem… and it's ok for me not to feel responsible for everything anymore... I have earned this... and I'm open to the possibility to feel more and more... lightness and joy... and curiosity for all the beautiful things... I did not perceive... because there were all these tensions in my shoulders and neck... and that's ok... I'm looking forward joyfully already...

We continued getting the SUD down referring to her concerns about her sister... she had several more yawning onsets and after the last round: these remaining fears... the tensions in her neck and shoulders were gone, SUD: 0, color: heavenly blue with sun shining through...

Anna-Lena gave a lot of feedback: she's never been so relaxed before... she is totally impressed for not feeling a charge on the memory of the Russian tanks, she points out, that it has given her so much what we had done for the 7 year old Anna-Lena, she now feels tired and hungry. We arranged a feedback session for one and a half weeks later.

Best wishes to all of you,
Cynthia Doll

Cynthia C. Doll
Maintal, Germany