Cultivating a Healthy Relationship With Our Feelings and Emotions 

Feelings and emotions

I find feelings, thoughts, beliefs and emotions to be such interesting and mysterious facets of our shared human experience. Feelings and emotions are always communicating something to us.  Guiding us, directing us, giving us clues, feedback and insights into our inner workings, and in relation to others and the world around us. Highly Sensitive People and Empaths tend to feel feelings and emotions at an even deeper level and intensity, which brings its own uniqueness and/or challenges.

For numerous reasons, we each have varying degrees of acceptance and comfort with our feelings and emotions. This stems in large part from our early experiences and how the expression (or lack thereof) was modelled to us as children and in our early surroundings. My intention is to take a look at the ways in which our feelings and emotions get stifled, blocked or shut down.  Also, what happens when this occurs, and how we can learn to cultivate a coherent and free-flowing relationship with this emotional part of us.

Difficulty in processing our feelings and emotions

If we experienced early trauma, abuse, neglect, belittling, being shamed, unkindness etc., we then form beliefs about ourselves, our worth and worthiness. We also form beliefs about others and the world around us. For example,

I am not worthy of being treated kindly and respectfully”

People are not safe/the world is not safe”.

My feelings and emotions are too much or inconvenient for others”

It is therefore not safe to express feelings. Then, we often judge ourselves for feeling a certain way that we deem or have deemed unacceptable to others. This adds layers of shame and guilt to the mix.

How we respond

We can, and often do, internally respond by rejecting or disowning a part or parts of ourselves in the attempt to adapt to our surroundings. To be or become who we think we should be, should do, or should feel. In the case of codependency, we can become hyper-aware of making sure that others' needs are met and placed before our own.

Additionally, we might not know what or how we feel, or why we might feel a certain way. Our feelings and emotions can become stifled or blocked, which is not natural, as they are mechanisms that are designed to try and protect us. We might view feelings as weak and try to hide them from others. This can leave us unable to accept, acknowledge, feel and process, or to recognise our true feelings and emotions/emotional state.

Our inner emotional terrain can become a VERY complicated and confusing place to navigate, which can (and does) impact us in large ways.  Sometimes in ways which we might not even be aware of. Blocked and unexpressed emotions can deeply and profoundly impact us and our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. Emotional pain or struggle is a block or disruption in our body’s energy system.  They are stored in our energy system - that is, until we can move, express, acknowledge, heal and process them.

Connecting with, processing and expressing our emotions

Many of us do deeply struggle in this area and can hold much shame for this very struggling. We may never have learned how to have a healthy relationship with our inner world of feelings and emotions, yet we might feel that we should just know how! Perhaps we need to be kind and gentle with ourselves as we navigate this new territory.

In 2011, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT, or “Tapping”) re- appeared in my own life. EFT is an extremely powerful tool, to help process past or present painful, confusing, and difficult emotions/stuck energy and trauma. It can help us cut through confusion and cultivate clarity; to figure out what we are feeling or why we are/were feeling it.  It can help us to figure out things, like what we might need to do (for us) and come to an acceptance place with it. Due to the accumulation of many difficult and painful life experiences, I felt like I was no longer all by myself, in the vast desert wasteland of feelings and emotions.  EFT offered me - and still offers me - a saving grace.

Safety

Unfortunately, it is not always safe to share our feelings and emotions with certain people, who might not have our best interests at heart. It can be so important and healing to share our intimate, inner world with safe, kind and compassionate people.  To safely and honestly share and express our feelings and emotions. When we accept and are at peace with our feelings and emotions, magical things can happen. When we feel heard and understood, our ability deeply and honestly to connect and share with others - and the world - can become greatly enhanced. We can then learn to trust ourselves with our feelings and emotions and begin to no longer push them away or judge them.

End summary

Our feelings, emotions, and body sensations are our messengers and guides.  A road map perhaps, even though it does not always seem that way. They hold so much wisdom and lead us to places that need attention, understanding, acknowledgement, care and healing. They also can and do alert us to certain people and situations that may not be good for us and that we need to stay clear of. It’s when we listen to and honour our emotions and our whole selves that beautiful things can happen.

I have very deep compassion and understanding for those who have developed a wary, mistrustful and fearful attitude towards their feelings and emotions. And this through no fault of their own.  THIS is the reason I have chosen to dedicate my life and time, through EFT and, personally, to honesty, truth, realness and openness.  Also, to welcome with curiosity and to talk about feelings, our shared humanity, and internal struggles. When the shame, hiding and judgement around our feelings and emotions subsides, we can then be free, peaceful and safe. To be, as well as express who we are.

Moving forward

Learning to trust, honour, welcome, befriend, heal, acknowledge, accept, and be curious about our feelings and emotions is a choice.  It is a courageous and brave choice in my eyes, which takes time and patience, but it is so worth it. If we desire to feel whole and truly alive, this is part of our growth, as well as learning how to embrace being fully human!