Don’t Tap On Stress Talk! (Do This Instead)

You know this from yourself or have encountered it repeatedly with clients: There are days, or even longer periods, where everything seems to be profoundly wrong in the world: work, family life, health, finances, the dog, God, the car, the neighbor kid, and the way the apples are piled in the grocery store. You, or your client, keep complaining on and on, you are not sure what you should tap on, and if you get started with one thing, two others pop up.

Or your client starts to rant and rave in very general terms, for example about men, bosses, or landlords ("heartless bastards..."), and all your efforts to make it more specific are ignored.

Silvia Hartmann, in her new book Energy EFT, calls this behavior "stress talk". This is a huge amount of negative stuff spewing out in an endless list, and it gets worse and worse as the stress gets higher and higher. Silvia's advice: Don't tap on stress talk! Which means, de-stress your client first so the real issue can be worked on.

Since I have been following this advice diligently, I have to say that everything goes much smoother for myself and my clients.

De-stressing in a session can be done in several ways, and not all of them have to be EFT. Deep breathing is a very effective, time-honored method, or a little calming guided imagery. Another one is moving the body to unlock tense muscles, especially shoulders and neck, and also drinking water.

If there is severe stress present, I tap on this or a variation of it:

KARATE CHOP:

Even though I feel completely stressed-out and overwhelmed, and I don’t know what to do first,
that’s the way it is right now

Even though my body is tense and I could jump out of my skin,
I allow myself to relax just a little bit

Even though I feel like screaming and running away or do nothing at all,
I accept myself anyway

EYEBROW: Completely stressed-out
SIDE OF EYE: Overwhelmed, tense, edgy
UNDER EYE: I don’t know what to do
NOSE: I am running in circles here
CHIN: It’s all too much for me
COLLARBONE: I am frustrated, angry, and desperate
UNDER ARM: And it’s all up to me. Not fair!
TOP OF HEAD: I don’t want to do anything, just leave me alone!

EYEBROW: I allow my body to relax just a little bit
SIDE OF EYE: I am taking a deep breath now (then do it)
UNDER EYE: There is a way out even if I don’t see it yet
NOSE: I can take one little step, and that’s what I am going to do
CHIN: I don’t have to be perfect, just willing
COLLARBONE: I treat myself with kindness and compassion
UNDER ARM: I listen to the wiser part of me
TOP OF HEAD: I open the door to change now.

And for milder forms:

Even though I am completely overwhelmed and stressed out,
that is what I feel…this is where I am at…I accept myself anyway…

Then tap through the points:

I improve the flow of energy in my body
I allow myself to relax
Release!
Relief!
I soothe and comfort myself
I harmonize the energy in my body
It’s only energy!
Soften and flow
Soften and flow
Soften and flow
I restore the free flow of energy in my whole body
I choose to be balanced and centered
And I let it be easy.

Take a deep breath. And now let's go to work...

Carna Zacharias-Miller is an EFT International Certified Advanced EFT practitioner in Tucson, Arizona. Her specialties are working with people who grew up in dysfunctional families, www.MissingMother.com, and introducing EFT into the dance community. Carna's new blog, www.sacredquestforlove, explores the spiritual side of emotions. You can also find her books on the site, The Way of the Ugly Duckling and, for dancers, It Takes Two To Tango.

From the EFTfree Archives, which are now a part of EFT International .
Originally published on  June 2, 2012.