Excellence in EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Since 1999
  • Login


  • signup now | forgot password?
  • Join!
  • language select Language or Country
    • Arabic – بالعربية
    • Deutsch
    • Español
    • Farsi - فارسی
    • Français
    • Australia
    • India
    • Italy - Italian
    • Netherlands - Nederlands
    • New Zealand & Oceania
    • South East Asia
  • Contact
  • Search

EFT International

Advancing EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques) Worldwide Since 1999

eft international world map
  • Home
  • About Us
    • About EFT International™
    • Media Resources
    • Meet the Teams
    • Policies and Procedures
    • Contact EFTi for Information and Support
  • Discover EFT
    • Find an EFT Practitioner or Mentor
    • What is EFT Tapping?
    • EFT Articles
    • Science & Research
    • Free EFT Manual
    • Audios & Books
  • EFT Training
    • EFT Trainings & Events
    • Training Overview
    • Getting Started
    • Training Levels
    • Accredited Certification
  • Membership Info
    • Join EFT International
    • Membership Levels & Fees
    • Membership FAQs
    • Transfer to EFTi
    • About Accreditation

‘Dumb Blonde’ Boundaries

By: Alice Grange
Categories: Abuse, Areas of EFT Practice, Families & Parenting, Relationships

A delightful woman, who is blonde but not at all dumb, spent much of her childhood being put down and blamed for things she didn’t do. Her emotionally wounded mother was loath to celebrate her daughter’s academic or sports achievements, instead preferring to blame her eldest daughter for the mistakes of others. It didn’t seem to matter how much her daughter protested, or attempted to tell her truth, she was not heard; she was disregarded and punished for things she didn’t do. She didn’t smoke but she was blamed when others did. Her sister could do no wrong, but when she did, my client was blamed for not preventing her sister from doing the wrong. And she was called names, like “my dumb blonde daughter”. By her own mother! As a result my client grew up to be a woman who feared being rejected; someone whose friends also tended to not treat her very well.

When one of her own children turned to drugs she worked hard to find them rehab - 4 times! When her child returned home after the last stint in rehab and again began not living up to the rules that their mother had given them, (no drugs, go to school, come right back home), she didn’t know what to do.

EFT sessions lead to action taking

So we spent several sessions working on setting and sticking to boundaries. We started by doing some historical work on times when others had stepped over her boundaries and she had just gone numb, not really knowing what to do, having had the experience of being shut down as a child. Releasing the grief, shame and fears that she still held onto in her body, and in her long held limiting beliefs, began to free her up to find more powerful ways to live and interact with her children and friends.

Finally she was ready to set and stick to some boundaries with her child, which her child initially didn’t take seriously, as their Mom had never stuck to them before. So, in the winter, Mom kicked her eldest out of the house. She was finally really clear about what behaviour was acceptable, and what was not. She let her almost adult child know that she meant what she said and why, and when they broke the terms they had to leave. It was among the most difficult decisions she had ever made.

A few weeks later the young person returned home and has been drug free, working and responsible for months. They got the message when Mom got the message that she deserved to set boundaries that were respected and to do what she needed to do to keep all of her children as safe as possible. (The above is published with the permission of my client.)

Setting boundaries

Boundaries are tricky for many of us, particularly women, because most of us were not encouraged to have our own boundaries when we were children. Healthy boundaries were rarely modelled, nor supported. They were often actively discouraged. Not all mothers are motherly. Some are more narcissistic than maternal. Some play favourites. Some are verbally abusive. Some look the other way while their husbands violate their children’s physical and emotional space. Some of us spent far too much of our lives working hard for signs of acceptance from mothers, (or others), unable, or unwilling, to give acknowledgement or praise. Some felt profound shame or guilt. Some became co-dependent. Some – all of the above.

If you find it hard to establish respected boundaries, there is reason for optimism. Setting boundaries is necessary! Boundary setting is a skill best learned while doing supported emotional work. Tapping on those times in the past when your boundaries were not respected helps you feel that you deserve to set them, stick by them and have them respected. As an adult you potentially have far more power, and options than you did as a child. You deserve to know that now you can be far more powerful than you were permitted to be before. EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting can help you to become self-empowered.

If you experience other people stepping over your boundaries, I would be honoured to help you release any associated shame, grief, anger or guilt. Doing so will help you to find your inner boundary setter. Setting boundaries that are respected is a learnable skill and can help you learn how to stop others from walking all over you.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Alice Grange is an EFT International Advanced Certified EFT Practitioner specializing in helping to empower disempowered women, particularly those who had a difficult relationship with their narcissistic, drug or alcohol dependent mothers.  Stay tuned for an online workshop on setting boundaries.

Share Your Comments & Feedback Cancel reply

Search EFT Articles

Browse Articles by Category:

  • Areas of EFT Practice (365)
    • Abundance (9)
    • Abuse (5)
    • Addictions (16)
    • ADHD (1)
    • Aging (7)
    • Ancestral issues (1)
    • Anger (15)
    • Animals (21)
    • Anxiety (42)
    • Business Success (13)
    • Caregiving (2)
    • Children (23)
    • Dentistry (1)
    • Exhaustion (1)
    • Families & Parenting (18)
    • Fear (33)
    • Grief and Loss (22)
    • Insomnia (2)
    • Law of Attraction (9)
    • LGBTQ+ Issues (1)
    • Motivation (11)
    • Peak Performance (23)
    • Phobias (13)
    • Physical Issues (95)
      • Accidents (4)
      • Allergies (5)
      • Cravings (14)
      • Infertility (1)
      • Pain (14)
      • Serious Disease (15)
      • Skin (2)
      • Weight and Fitness (36)
    • Procrastination (2)
    • Relationships (30)
      • Racial issues (1)
    • Self Care (13)
    • Self-Acceptance (43)
    • Self-Sabotage (1)
    • Sexual issues (1)
    • Spirituality & Metaphysics (10)
    • Stress (28)
    • Suicide (1)
    • Trauma (85)
  • Community News (6)
  • EFT Training Resources (268)
    • All Tutorials (68)
    • Borrowing Benefits (4)
    • Complex Issues (39)
    • Core EFT Skills (67)
    • Core Issues (25)
    • EFT Strategies (116)
    • Geo-Specific EFT (4)
    • Inner Child EFT (26)
    • Inner Visuals (18)
    • Mentoring (2)
    • Reversals (23)
    • Surrogate Tapping (26)
  • EFTfree Archives (302)
  • Ethics (2)
  • Featured (4)
  • Integrated EFT (70)
    • Acupuncture (3)
    • Affirmations (16)
    • Emergency EFT (3)
    • Matrix ReImprinting (12)
    • Spanish Language (7)
  • Linked Articles or Events (24)
    • EFT in the News (10)
  • Natural Disasters (5)
  • Racial issues (1)
  • The Science Behind EFT (21)
Join Our Community Newsletter

Contact

Please use the contact page to select which department you would like to reach.

EFT International
John Greenway Building
John Greenway Close
Tiverton, Devon, EX16 6QF
United Kingdom

Our Mission

EFT International (EFTi) is a voluntary, not-for-profit association: A UK Registered Charitable Incorporated Organisation (CIO), registered charity number 1176538.

EFT International is committed to advancing and upholding the highest standards for education, training, professional development and promotion of the skilful, creative and ethical application of EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques or "Tapping").

EFTi is a member of:

RCCM Logo
Integrated Healthcare logo

Quick Links

  • Contact, Help & Support
  • EFT International Volunteers
  • Membership FAQs
  • Policies & Procedures
  • EFT International Statute (Bylaws)
  • Privacy Policy
Languages & regions:
  • AR
  • DE
  • ES
  • FA
  • FR
  • AU
  • IN
  • IT
  • NL
  • NZ
  • HK,SP

© 2023 · EFT International (EFTi), UK registered charity number 1176538

We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept All”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent.
Accept AllCookie SettingsPrivacy Policy
Manage consent

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously.
CookieDurationDescription
cookielawinfo-checkbox-advertisement1 yearSet by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin, this cookie is used to record the user consent for the cookies in the "Advertisement" category .
cookielawinfo-checkbox-analytics11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-functional11 monthsThe cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-necessary11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary".
cookielawinfo-checkbox-others11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other.
cookielawinfo-checkbox-performance11 monthsThis cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance".
CookieLawInfoConsent1 yearRecords the default button state of the corresponding category & the status of CCPA. It works only in coordination with the primary cookie.
ts3 yearsPayPal sets this cookie to enable secure transactions through PayPal.
ts_c3 yearsPayPal sets this cookie to make safe payments through PayPal.
viewed_cookie_policy11 monthsThe cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It does not store any personal data.
Functional
Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features.
Performance
Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors.
CookieDurationDescription
_gat1 minuteThis cookie is installed by Google Universal Analytics to restrain request rate and thus limit the collection of data on high traffic sites.
Analytics
Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc.
CookieDurationDescription
_ga2 yearsThe _ga cookie, installed by Google Analytics, calculates visitor, session and campaign data and also keeps track of site usage for the site's analytics report. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors.
_gid1 dayInstalled by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously.
CONSENT2 yearsYouTube sets this cookie via embedded youtube-videos and registers anonymous statistical data.
Advertisement
Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads.
CookieDurationDescription
VISITOR_INFO1_LIVE5 months 27 daysA cookie set by YouTube to measure bandwidth that determines whether the user gets the new or old player interface.
YSCsessionYSC cookie is set by Youtube and is used to track the views of embedded videos on Youtube pages.
yt-remote-connected-devicesneverYouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video.
yt-remote-device-idneverYouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video.
Others
Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet.
CookieDurationDescription
AKA_MVT_ID10 minutesNo description available.
SAVE & ACCEPT