This is part 2 of the article. Read part 1 here.
When I asked if anyone else had not wanted to know the 'lazy rascal' part of her, Maya remembered how much at 16 she particularly wanted the approval of one of her spiritual leaders, and how, if she didn't make it to the early-morning meditation sessions, he wouldn't even look at her for the rest of the day. We tapped with that memory of not being looked at, and the deeply painful feeling of rejection that came with it. Maya wanted to comfort the wounded 16-year-old part of herself and let her know the leaders were flawed humans, that they were wrong about a lot of things, and that she (the 16-year-old) definitely had NOT failed God, as she believed at the time she had.
Helping younger parts
Maya then thought of a beloved young relative of hers who was also struggling with spiritual practice, and said, 'I don't know how to help them!' I wondered how it might be to say something to them like: 'I don't know how to help you with that, but I love you, you're a great person, and you'll be OK.' That felt really true to Maya and good to say, and I wondered how it might have been to hear something like that when she was 16. She said it would have been huge, would have made a massive difference to how she felt and thought of herself, so we tapped as she said those things to the wounded 16-year-old part of herself. This was the end of the session, but I wondered whether Maya might feel less hostile towards the 'lazy rascal' part the next time we encountered it.
Finding connections
In a session around Maya's family, we were tapping with how her family's way of showing love was to work hard for financial security, and there wasn't much emotional connection or playfulness. She realised as we were tapping that when she found that sweetness in God, in her spiritual path, the leaders had soon given her the same message as her family – the only way to show and achieve love is to work hard and be disciplined. We tapped with that message, and with her feeling that they didn't realise the vital importance of sweetness and playfulness, but Maya did.
The strict discipline part
After this session (perhaps in part because the 'lazy rascal' who just wanted to enjoy life felt seen and appreciated), Maya was able to get up early often to meditate, and found she also had a lot more energy. She noticed, though, that a 'strict discipline' part of herself had started to take charge – she had lately been using all that new energy to study very serious spiritual texts, which felt out of balance. Maya was curious about this, so we tapped asking that strict discipline part (likely the same part that didn't want to know the 'lazy rascal' in a previous session) what it was worried might happen if it stopped being so strict. It brought the memory of how she didn't even want to go into a room with her spiritual leaders because she felt like she 'breathed wrong.' That very painful feeling of always and only being met with dissatisfaction was what the part was trying to protect Maya from – by making sure she used her energy only for something those leaders would approve of.
Valid anger
As we tapped with this, very valid anger came up for Maya at the leaders having told her she was undisciplined and lazy, at their having offered her barely any kindness or softness. Anger, too, about untrained people being in charge of others' spiritual lives, especially young people. (Maya later said the situation had vastly improved these days, and she felt she was able to make some peace with the failures of the past.)
We checked the strict discipline part was able to recognise that there was an adult Maya here now, and that she was no longer around people who would be harsh like her spiritual leaders back then; no longer around people who had such exacting standards of discipline. Yes, it could see (with some help, and some surprise) that both those things were true. So, might it be possible to be less strict? To allow Maya a little more sweetness and playfulness in life? Hmm… yes, OK.
Continue reading in part 3.
Article by Roushan Martens, Accredited Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner
Photo by Julian Gentile on Unsplash
Share Your Comments & Feedback