Emergency Tapping for a Distressed Inner Child

My client "Christine" and I had planned to touch base by phone this morning. She had had good results from our session but had lapsed back into painful feelings, so I was offering her some support before our next session.

When I called at the appointed time, Christine was in tears. She apologized, but I told her it was actually a good thing that she was so in touch with her painful feelings at a time when we could talk. “Tell me more,” I said. She told me that her family (grown children) had just left after the Thanksgiving holidays and the sadness and loneliness were hitting her full force. “The house is so quiet... I feel so alone. I feel like I’m grieving deeply, which seems crazy. But that’s how I feel.”

She went on to comment that she had loved seeing the way her daughter treats her little three-year-old (Christine’s granddaughter). “The little one has melt-downs, but my daughter stays calm and loving and gives her a hug. I keep thinking... I want that! I need someone to do that for me.”

Christine recognized that it was her own inner child that was the source of her intense feelings. She said she had tried some tapping but it wasn’t helping. I said, “How about doing some tapping with me for that little girl inside you? She does need ‘somebody to do that for her’ and I’ll help you reach back to the child that you were and give her that attention and care that she needs.” We had already done some inner child work, so Christine was familiar with the concept.

I find that engaging the imagination really helps connect emotionally, so I asked her to close her eyes. “In your mind’s eye, imagine a door... and imagine yourself standing there in front of the door. This is a portal into your inner world. In a moment, you’ll be able to open that door and enter an inner healing room that is safe and protected... and you will find your little girl in there.”

The experience was vivid for Christine. She found her immediately and the child was indeed very sad. “She’s just standing there crying.” So we tapped to connect with her: “Even though she’s standing there crying, I love and accept this little girl.”

In Christine’s inner world, the child looked up and began making eye contact. Christine wanted to reach out to her and give her a hug, so she imagined doing that. I asked where she would like to hold this child and continue caring for her. “We’re cuddling up in a big, soft bean bag chair,” she said.

I asked her to keep that image in mind as we tapped some more. (The following is a summary; I was questioning Christine and using her answers in the rounds of tapping.)

ROUND 1 - Acknowledging the child’s feelings and accepting her anyway.

(Tapping the Karate Chop Spot)

Even though this little girl is so sad and lonely, I love and accept her deeply and completely.

Even though she is hurting, sad and lonely, I am here for her now... she’s not alone.

Even though she’s in pain, I’m willing to be with her... and feel these feelings with her… I love and accept her and she is not alone...

(Tapping the points)

Sad and lonely... really hurting... these sad feelings... these lonely feelings... etc.

(Ending on the Karate Chop, Inside Wrist, and Top of Hand with affirming statements)

But I’m here for her now... she is not alone... I’m here to help.

ROUND 2 - Giving the child a voice.

(I had asked Christine to tell me what her child self had experienced. We're using her words.)

(Tapping the Karate Chop Spot)

Even though I feel invisible... and nobody cares, nobody is paying attention... I’m just a little girl and I need some attention.

Even though I feel invisible... like my needs aren’t important... and I don’t matter... I’m just a little girl and this hurts.

Even though no one notices... and I feel like I don’t matter... I’m just a little girl... this needs some healing.

(Tapping the points)

Feeling invisible... like nobody cares... no one is paying attention... it really hurts... I feel like I don’t matter... I’m not worth paying attention to... etc.

(Ending on the Karate Chop, Inside Wrist and Top of Hand still acknowledging the child's feelings and needs)

This needs some healing... my feelings do matter… I need a hug...

ROUND 3 - Talking to the child - telling the child what she needs to hear

(I had asked Christine about this - we're using her words.)

(Tapping the Karate Chop Spot)

Even though nobody cared, nobody paid attention, I love and accept you deeply and completely… I’m here for you now and I really care... you mean a lot to me.

Even though they didn’t meet your needs, the truth is, your needs DO matter... your feelings ARE important... I’m so sorry you went through all that… you didn't deserve that.

Even though you felt invisible, felt that no one cared... I really do care. I am here for you. I’m going to take care of you now...

(As I guided Christine to tap the points, I said, “Let’s tell the child what she needs to hear,” and I used Christine’s words as well as mine.)

You mean so much to me... you are a precious little girl... your needs matter... your feelings are important... you mean a lot to me… I love and accept you just as you are… I will take care of you now... etc.

Christine felt much calmer, and she felt a sense of tenderness towards her inner child. I suggested that she “leave a representative of herself” in the bean bag chair with the little one so that her child part would continue to feel connected to her... and that she could bring a more conscious part of her back through the door, back to the here and now.

Maintaining the healing over time

“I feel much better,” she said, “but how do I maintain this?”

I told Christine that I think on-going support for the child part of us is really important. It’s about a relationship that we develop with that part of us. But we can’t always do it all alone. The child had to go it alone, often had to survive all by herself. To heal this, it helps a lot to have support, a witness and companion, a kind voice. And so I offered to make a 15-min. tapping recording for Christine so that she could easily return to the healing place, tap along with me, and feel that she is not alone as the healing continues.

A Gift from Betty

In honor of this Thanksgiving weekend and how grateful I am to be involved in healing work, the most satisfying work in the world -- I’m happy to make the script of that recording available, if it can serve you in any way! You can download it here: Inner Child Tapping Script. The feelings we deal with here are actually quite universal. So you can adapt it for your needs and try tapping for your inner child.

with Blessings,
Betty

P.S. There is clearly more to do. In further sessions, we will bring EFT to specific events which made Christine’s childhood so lonely and sad. But connecting to the child within and tapping for her as we did is very powerful and healing. And being able to repeat the experience with a tapping recording will create and strengthen new neural pathways in the brain, reinforcing the experience of being held and comforted, understood and cared for… healing energy that will reach all the way back in time.

Betty Moore-Hafter is an EFT International Accredited Certified EFT Master Trainer of Trainers and Advanced Practitioner. She offers EFT Training Workshops several times a year. One of her specialties and a type of work that she holds near and dear, is that of inner child healing. She is available for EFT sessions by phone and by Skype, as well as in person at her Burlington, Vermont office. Find out more at www.CreativeEFT.com. Betty also offers a comprehensive mentoring and certification program for EFT International EFT Certification. Learn more about that at www.EmotionalFreedomMastery.com.

From the EFTfree Archives, which are now a part of EFT International .
Originally published on Nov 30, 2013.