'Jason', a new EFT ''Recipient' was eager to get to work immediately to release his sadness, disappointment, frustration, and self judgment about his ongoing impotence issues.
We began by taking a sexual history where he shared that his first marriage was passionate but unhappy. His second one, while compatible in other ways, was difficult because of his sexual dysfunction and eventually ended in divorce. Having recently started seeing someone, Jason was especially keen to work on this issue, as he feared that he would lose her if he couldn't "get it up and keep it up."
Although initially there seemed (to me) to be a clear link between his visit to India just prior to his second marriage and his subsequent equation of spirituality with celibacy, our excursions down that road did NOT seem to get to the root of the issues.
Interestingly, what DID was when we explored the fact that he was given up at 1 month of age and adopted. This introduced his limiting belief that unless he was a good boy, he would be given up again. So we tapped a few rounds on his 'fear of being given up again' which led us to a new and intriguing place.
Jason believes that he was the product of a rape, and, as it came out subsequently, a gang rape. So we tapped on his feeling about power and powerlessness, on anger, on guilt that his father was a rapist and that Jason is the product of a rape.
His grief and shame was not just for himself, but for his mother. Jason is obviously a kind and gentle man who has been suffering all his life, wanting to ensure that he never hurt anyone the way his mother was hurt. The limiting belief that he was somehow responsible for his mother's rape had kept him fearful of his own power, and sexuality, his whole life.
After reducing the intensity of his grief and anger about the circumstances of his conception, we went on to explore what self-empowerment might look like, what true male power might look like, and tapped in some choices to allow him to feel and claim his own power, both in the bedroom and in the world.
What this session illustrates so well is the importance of continuing to dig, to find the real roots to an issue. I thought I had it figured out when we started work on the spirituality/sexuality connection!
While this connection no doubt played a role in Jason's impotence, it seems his belief that he was responsible for his mother's pain, and his wish to never cause another woman such pain, was really the cause of his impotence.
When we finished the session, Jason reported feeling a lot less afraid, much lighter, and like the floodgate had been lifted. He has a brand new understanding of the difference between self-empowerment, power over, and power with.
He ended up connecting with a strong desire to help educate other men on how to treat women with respect and excitement about his mission to help men release their own painful pasts so that they don't perpetuate their own pain and limiting beliefs by abusing the women and children in their lives, or on the streets.
Courtenay, BC, Canada
From the EFTfree Archives, which are now part of EFT International .
Originally published Aug 22, 2015.