Hi there! I am Javiera. I am a woman. I am Chilean and I am also Canadian. I am a mother, and I am a sister and a daughter. I am an EFT Practitioner, and I am also a journalist. I could say that I am excited and I am also sad, but, mostly, I am resilient. I am powerful, yet sometimes I am powerless. I am occasionally a victim, and some other times, I am a victimizer. The list can continue on and on, right? But … am I really all that? These are just some ways that I can define myself.
The Labels We Give Ourselves
We often label ourselves, trying to define who we are in this world and what place we are in. Of course, there is nothing wrong with that. This is how we speak. It is how we present ourselves to the world, but do we pause long enough to really think about what we are saying? Are we aware of the seeds we are introducing to our minds when we use the term "I am ..." with all its implications?
Imagine if the phrase "I am" was a direct connection to our true identity. "I am" in the English language is structured in a way that makes it easy to plant the wrong seed and expect a nice outcome. That, my friend, is impossible. We cannot plant a negative seed and expect a positive outcome. This goes beyond positive thinking. We are literally programming our minds every time we say “I am …” and filling in the blank.
To Be or Not To Be. Ser o No Ser.
In Spanish we have two different ways of using the verb 'To Be'. These are "Ser" and "Estar". The difference is that "Ser" defines us in a more permanent state or mood. "Estar" states how we feel in the given moment, but it doesn’t define us. Because of this, there are things which we can communicate more clearly.
I am a woman. Yo soy mujer. Permanent condition from the form “Ser”.
I am stressed. Yo estoy estresada. (or estresado as in Spanish our adjectives can be male or female.) Not a permanent condition from the form “Estar”.
You may be wondering why this difference is important. Being able to determine a permanent condition or a temporary state changes everything. When you label yourself in English as "I am _____" (fill in the blank), you are assuming a role that will determine the way that you experience events in your life, and that is everything.
In essence, the words we choose to use when we describe ourselves, others, and situations have a real impact on how we see the world. Words are just words. We give them meaning, and even though we think they don’t have the power to shape us, unconsciously, they do.
One of the most powerful things we can do when our emotional state seems to have power over us is to question it. Someone might say to themselves "I am depressed", but is that really who I am? Is this ALL that I am? The poet Rumi said, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” Questioning our emotional state opens a crack, so the light can get in.
Let That Light In
Ask yourself how true is that statement that I believe defines me. Listen carefully. If what you hear is not something that empowers you, let the ‘light enter you’ with something that aligns with your true self and helps you feel better. Remember that you always have the power to choose your perspective. Take your power back.
When I am in an EFT session with a person who says something like, “I am depressed”, I listen carefully and then ask, “Are you depressed at this moment or is this how you want to be defined as a person?” I normally receive a strange look. When I explain the difference between the tenses and Spanish, they often react with appreciation. They weren’t aware of what they were doing to themselves.
You Become What You Believe You Are
If you believe you are a woman then you will act like a woman. If you believe or repeat to yourself that you are depressed, then your behaviour matches your belief. Our ego loves to be right, so our experiences and actions must align with our thoughts. The issue is that most often we do not choose our words consciously to describe our emotions. We face repercussions because we identify with these negative affirmations. If we go with our first quick response, we may be doing a disservice to how we feel, act, and experience whatever situation we’re in. Think of the example of feeling disappointed. If we say, “I am devastated” instead of “I feel a bit disappointed at this moment because …” our minds and bodies will experience a different biochemical effect.
Make the conscious decision to connect experiences with “I feel” or “I have”, instead of tying every single moment to your identity with “I am”. Even though the English language is designed for the verb “To Be”, it is a good idea to be aware of this simple but profound distinction. Take your power back by choosing the real message that you want to send to your mind. Create a belief that could play a positive role in your life and/or the lives of your clients. The choice, as always, is yours.
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Javiera Guzman is an Accredited, Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner.
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash.
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