My Wife Has Issues—Why Should I Be the One to Tap?

I know a young couple we’ll call Mike & Sarah, that are open minded, funny, connected and generally happy. Lately, Mike has been experiencing lots of problems with Sarah. He said, “I am a nice guy, I do my job, more than expected, and still, she gets angry, moody and ignores me and my needs. She has so many issues and she should tap with you, but she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t think tapping is what she needs… how do I make her come and tap?”

I smiled and invited him to come without her and do his own tapping. When Sarah is ready she will join too.

Mike came for a session and for the first 10 minutes he spoke about her problems, her stress, her attitude and her rage. He gave me so much valuable information in those first few minutes. He basically shared all of the problems he has with her. Sarah's problems were actually “owned” by Mike.

He felt it everywhere that even if Sarah were to show him love, he wouldn’t be able to see it. He was looking at what he was focusing on. In his mind, he was a victim of her emotional swings. In his mind, he always gave and never got anything back --- just like his memories from childhood.

He was unaware of where that came from, so we started with tapping and NLP combined. I didn’t use the karate chop point at all, since he was already in the “trance.”

We first tapped on “I do so much for her” and when he was deeply convinced that that is the source of the problem, I got him out of trance with “She does so much for me.” He got quiet and nodded his head in a surprise.

We went back to the “I do so much for her" trance. We got him out with “I don’t do anything for her, anything that she really needs.” He nodded again.

When I attempted to get him back to the place of “I do so much for her,” Mike smiled and humbly said, “You know, that’s not true, I do all of that for me, because I love doing the things I do! I just tell her that I am doing it for her.”

Layer by layer, we were cleaning up his firm beliefs. The biggest surprise came when he suddenly remembered that he is actually the angry and the moody one. Then he remembered that once he got so angry that he broke everything that was breakable in the house. When I asked him how come he forgot about it, he said, “Oh, that was long time ago, last year.”

His subconscious mind tricked him in the most elegant way. Mike was projecting his internal chatter, his own beliefs on Sarah. And that was just a beginning of our work: As we tapped, he was releasing and letting go of the deep, strong emotions and finally discovered how it all begun – from the experiences his absent mother. His subconscious mind got the message that if a woman loves you, she would leave you. Because Sarah was not leaving, he was desperately re-creating situations that could potentially lead to the end. Because of intense yelling in his childhood, he felt alive when someone yell at him. Since Sarah was not a yeller, he made powerful projections that were true to him. It was a double edged sword.

A few days later, I called to check in on him. Mike said that they were both so busy and he didn’t have time to think about our session. When I asked if they'd had time to fight, he smiled and said, “No, not yet!” I invited him to make time for some good yelling fun, but he just ignored my invitation. I wonder why…

The moral of the story is… when we point our finger outward we often project our own insecurities on to the people we love. When we have inner conflict the place to start is with ourselves. When we balance our own emotions our situation becomes much more clear. Then we can respond in a loving and supportive way.

Next time when you are convinced that your spouse really needs to tap, remember your power and that you can help your spouse by tapping on yourself!

Helena Summer-Medena
Hawaii, US
www.livdelicious.com