She Believed She Could and So She Did

In 2018, on my 58th birthday, I lie in the hospital with life-threatening eczema and its multiple complications, not knowing my life's destination.

My Beloved, gifted me a bracelet with the inscription, "She believed she could and she did." I wasn't able to wear it because of the intense inflammation on my skin, so for years it sat buried underneath other jewelry.

The start of clinical trials

Back in 2011, my life had come to a screeching halt. I was bed-bound like a burn victim, and in unbearable suffering for the 5+ years that followed. It was then that I was introduced to clinical trials, which I would become dependent on for my survival. I desperately hoped to find "THE ONE" that would hopefully give me my life back.

I lived in constant doubt and fear, feeling utterly powerless over my circumstances. With all my best efforts, I was grasping and clawing at anything that would potentially heal my body. This fear and doubt dominated my existence. After all, 28 doctors couldn't figure it out.

In 2015, I got into my first clinical trial, a monthly injection, that worked. I soon regained my physical appearance, though I was never truly at peace. I was always waiting and bracing for something to flare me up. I became masterful at managing my external world (or so I thought), though still hijacked by doubt that the success of the medication would last. And it didn't.

In 2018, that clinical trial stopped working. I ended up in the hospital with challenging infections. I was angry at my body, angry at being alive and exhausted from the energy it took to make it through each day. I was also facing a different fear that my Beloved would leave me. I was terrified that my condition would be too much for him. With boundless gratitude, he stayed and loved me right through it.

In 2020, I got into another trial. This time, I deeply committed to my EFT Tapping practice and Nervous System Regulation work so I could address my emotional state below the surface, in lieu of spending all my energy chasing symptoms. Ultimately, by being able to change my inner state, EFT and Somatic practices became my true medicine to regulate my nervous system and led me to my work in the world.

Never too late

Speaking of a new world - in 2021, I got married, for the first time at 60 (it's never too late)!

Then, last January, fear struck again, when this trial came to an unexpected abrupt end, and I didn't know how my body would respond.

As the first few months passed, I was maintaining minor flare ups without medication. So we started discussing the possibility of going to Italy for our delayed honeymoon. Quickly after we began our plans, doubt and fear bulldozed in. I couldn't imagine how my body would ever be able to handle the challenges and flare ups while traveling abroad. I was absolutely sure they were imminent.

By this time, the grip of fear convinced me I couldn't go. So, I leaned more into EFT Tapping as my compass, with the desire to get to the root. I was willing to feel how much these fears and doubts were costing me, my health and my happiness. I realized that I COULD NOT be held hostage by them anymore. I saw that trying to control my circumstances was keeping me feeling powerless over my body.
I was then able to safely address and release the burden of making my body wrong, and the resistance I had about my human experience with eczema. I had DECIDED. I was going. And so, I did! I.WENT.TO.ITALY.

A magical experience

Just before we were leaving for the airport, I reached for my bracelet and confidently put it on my wrist. In our 2 week travels, I knew I had transformed my circumstances. While our experience had its own obstacles, it was pure magic. I barely had a flare up, and, although we both got Covid, I did not give in to fear. There I was, waking up on my 62nd birthday, in one of the most wondrous places in the world, Bellagio, Italy, embodying what is possible.

Navigating it all, I experienced a liberation I had never felt before. The support of EFT and BEing present to these feelings were the invitation to ease up on my fears, and develop a new partnership with possibility! And guess what? I could now receive my body's inherent wisdom, and it knew exactly how to respond.

It has been a whole year being off all medication and trials! I have the deepest gratitude that I did not allow these fears and doubts to stop me from one of the most extraordinary experiences of my life.

Today, I cherish my life, and I have the fortune of helping others experience the liberation of living in their own full expression.

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Jude Weber is an EFT International Accredited Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner.

Photo by Rowan Heuvel on Unsplash