Tapping for parents
Your precious first moments of parenthood all start with that magical little stick that says
YAY you're pregnant!
Looking back at those moments, I realise now that this created a whole host of fear within me. Fear that I wouldn’t be good enough; fear that I didn’t want my children to live the life I had. I was 19 when I had my first baby. I was scared. The whole pregnancy I spent worrying about what would happen when she arrived.
Personal peace procedure
I recently revisited my personal peace procedure journey, and was forced to look at when this fear all began. It dawned on me that it was in that magical moment of the stick telling me I was going to be a mum. This was when all the fear and doubt in my abilities to be a parent began.
My eldest, who is now 13, is a clear reflection of my own fears and worries. That’s 13 years I have carried the fears. And now I have to sit back and watch my own child suffering with the fear I have carried for years. Not feeling good enough, not feeling lovable/loved. It’s a harsh reality check. But at the same time, I now have the power of EFT to help me release this fear.
The first step is always the hardest,
when you are doing this work on your own. Recognising the core issues, and then working your way through to clear them. The truth behind this is that the core issue is yet to be discovered. Another reason why I love EFT so much. MY truth will come out as I begin this journey of tapping.
I find it really effective to do a quick meditation and connect to my Higher Self before I begin the tapping. This way I can feel grounded in the moment and aware of my surroundings. It is my safety net when working alone.
I started tapping:
Even though I’ve been carrying this fear of not being a good enough mum and, every time something happens, I am back reliving that fear; I choose to deeply and completely acknowledge this feeling in my body.
Even though I am so afraid that my children are suffering, and I can’t protect them all the time; I deeply and completely acknowledge how I feel.
Even though my job as a mum is to love and protect my children and I have, and continue, to fail them; I deeply and completely choose to love all of me anyway.
EB: I have failed them,
SE: just as I feared I would,
UE: all this disappointment in myself,
UN: I am so disappointed not to have been a better mum to my children,
CH: I’m so angry that I have been unable to protect them from life.
I carried on with the reminders until I felt a shift. This heaviness was felt in my chest. It was tight and unfriendly.
So much more than just fear
As I tapped, I recognised that there was much more to how I felt than just fear. I recognised that my own self-talk and self-judgement was adding to my negative mindset. I knew in that moment I needed to work to clear this as deeply as I could. In that moment I realised that being kind to myself, and being free from the emotional pain and burdens, would improve my reactions. It would also have a positive effect on my children.
Just like any other tapping rounds, this one enlightened me to what was really going on beneath the surface of the presenting emotions:
1. Not loved/lovable.
2. Not good enough.
3. I’m damaged; I’m going to damage my own children.
4. I’m afraid.
5. I just want the best for them.
6. I really want them to be happy.
Examining the beliefs
When I look at these beliefs, I recognise that my need to control everything has come up. If I’m not in control, it’s all going to go wrong. If I don’t question myself and doubt myself, how can I make it better? I am constantly looking for reasons and beliefs to make me a better person but, also importantly, a better mum. And my core issue here is my relationship with my own mum.
Fear of "becoming my own mother"
On a deeper level, my actual FEAR – I’m petrified of becoming my own mother. The reality is that there are parts of me that are very like my mum, and this is where I couldn’t accept myself or love who I was. I hadn’t forgiven my mum for doing the best she could with all she had on her journey. I was carrying this dead weight within my system. After all, If I cannot forgive my own mother, how can I forgive myself or expect my own children to forgive me for my mistakes?
I changed my set up and started again with the Tapping:
Even though I can’t love my mum for who she is, as I have all these thoughts, feelings and judgements towards her; I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway.
Even though my own judgements towards my mother have made me judge myself; I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyway.”
Tapping away the anger, resentment, hurt and disappointment lifted the heavy weight in my heart and chest.
Projection of my own beliefs onto my children
This tapping has shown me how easy it is to project your own beliefs onto your children, and make raising children even harder than it needs to be. However, it also shows me that I don’t have to carry this dead-weight. I can let go if I choose to.
The Power of EFT
can change your world as you know it.
This article arose from a very challenging experience that I have been going through. I spent quite a few days trying to come up with a way to ‘fix’ the upsets (traumatic events) that my children were facing. I felt helpless unable to stop the damage that had already been done. I couldn’t protect them in those moments. With EFT, I discovered a deeper understanding of the situation; how I could help myself and my children. I hope you found it useful.
Vicki is an Accredited EFT Practitioner. Her specialties include Anxiety, Complex Issues, and Emotional Pain.