When the emotions show
- This part of me that is still living in pain/ trauma.
- This reaction.
Replacing "I deeply and completely accept myself" with words like:
- I accept all of me now, including these feelings.
- I accept all these feelings.
- I accept the parts of me that have these feelings.
- It is safe for me to express these feelings.
- These feelings can pass through me.
- I accept all my feelings and myself now.
The non-feeling shadow
Allowing for "Trauma Tears"
I have used the EFT tearless trauma techniques with great effect. However, feeling intensely (opening to buried, repressed or suppressed emotional pain) can bring about healing and a sense of wholeness. When working with trauma, creating a safe space is paramount. This includes getting to a place where the client experiences permission to express themselves. Permission to feel, to acknowledge, to recognise, to be present to the "pain". This is a gift that will also grant them permission to grow, expand, know joy and freedom.
Session with "J"
We began tapping on:
Even though my life has been hell, and it's a miracle I survived. All these feelings are locked up inside me and I'll never be happy again. Maybe one day I'll find peace.
Even though I've been through all this abuse, trauma, rape, pain. I don't know how I've managed, it's been hell. I've lost all my feelings and I have lost a part of me. I totally accept all of me anyway.
Even though I've been to hell and back, maybe a part of me is still in a hell and I can't feel a thing. What if I can heal and be whole and happy.
At this point J looked tearful.
I have no feelings about thisIt happenedI can’t feel anymoreI dare not feelI refuse to feelAll the things I have been throughI don’t know how I survivedI am still just survivingI have lost my feelingsI don’t know if I will ever be able to feel againWhy did it happen to me?What if I could feel?My life was difficult and abusiveWhat if it was safe to feel?
At this point my client started sobbing.
These tearsThese tears of pain and sadnessThese tears of anger and painThese trauma tearsThese trauma tears that I have stored inside meAll these trauma tearsIt’s ok, I can let these tears out nowThese trauma tears
At this point she sighed,
she stopped shaking, yet the tears kept coming and we continued to tap
All these tearsIt is safe for me to finally feelI can feel nowAll these tears I have stored inside me can now be set freeI can be freeThese tears can wash me cleanThis river of tears washing away all the painThis river of tears washing away all the griefThis river of tears washing away all the angerThis river of tears washing away all the sadnessThis river of tears washing away all the fearLittle by little these tears free me so that I can feel again
These tears of healingThese tears of love and forgivenessThese tears of love and forgivenessIt feels so good to finally cry like this
At this point she had a little smile,
It feels so good to cry, to let all these feelings freeThese are healing tearsThese tears of gratitudeMy tears heal me now
Now she took a deep breath and stopped crying.
It feels so good to feelI can feel againI can feel all of meIt’s safe to feel, safe to cry and safe to laugh...It’s safe to feel, safe to cry and safe to laugh...
Maintaining a gentle approach
Eddie and I sometimes encounter self-help EFT students that feel overwhelmed when they uncover a core issue with a high emotional intensity. They find that, as they tap, they feel that they are spiralling out of control and, in some cases, become unnerved and frightened. When faced with such a query, we advise them to switch their focus away from the issue, focus on their breathing and tap on the sequence of points from the Basic Recipe whilst inhaling and exhaling. Or we ask then them to simply hold the EFT points and breathe. This has the effect of calming them fast.
If you give yourself permission to release your "trauma" tears safely, it gently allows you to open to the experience of healing tears. This in turn can eventually lead to tears of joy and gratitude.