Have you ever asked yourself, whose permission you need to heal, do your own work, live life the way you want?
We all have a constant dialogue in our heads with so many people: family members and friends, that guy who was rude to us at the store, our boss or co-workers, and perfect strangers in the next car or in the line at the bank.
Many times all these conversations turn around one theme. The theme might be different for each of us, but once you find your theme, you’re close to understanding whose permission you are seeking in the quest to be yourself.
Some of you might be thinking, “I don’t need anyone’s permission! I’m a very assertive person who makes my own way in the world.” Maybe you’ve always prided yourself in being a rebel, swimming upstream, fighting the good fight, taking the contrarian position.
Others are probably thinking, “I meditate, drink green juice, do yoga, help the needy. I don’t need permission, I’m beyond all that.”
Yet, as long as you have conversations in your head that revolve around frustration, argument, pleas, requests, and hurts, you’re still negotiating for permission.
So how do you find out whose permission you’re craving?
Easy. Just eavesdrop on your internal conversation.
Listen to your Internal Dialogues
No matter who it’s with/about, really noticing your internal dialogs will eventually lead you to the person(s) whose permission you feel you don’t have. Very often it’s a family member. Sometimes it’s an institution or culture. It might be someone who’s wronged you in a very crucial way, taken away your power to be yourself or even to feel safe in the world.
If you’re really still stumped, tap about not knowing. “Even though I don’t know whose permission I’m seeking, I accept my thoughts and feelings.” And then forget about it. The answer will become clear unexpectedly.
Let me give an example of seeking permission to heal a part of yourself. Say someone cuts in front of you in a store line. Maybe you exchange heated words; maybe you seethe in silence. Either way, notice what happens hours after the fact. Are you still carrying on a conversation in your head, about what you said or wish you’d said? Are you still telling others the story hours, or even days, later?
Then notice what the incident reminds you of. Perhaps the adults around you taught you to be “nice” all the time, but failed to teach you how to firmly and effectively stand up for yourself too. Are you still seeking their permission to assert yourself in the world when others intrude on you?
Or maybe your sibling bullied you constantly, even when you tried to fight back. Are you seeking his/her permission to be seen and respected as a person with feelings and the right to receive or achieve what you want?
How To Tap
Once you know whose permission you’re seeking, turn the tables. Here's a tapping strategy to help you.
“Even though I’ve been seeking X’s permission to own this part of myself, I give myself permission now.” Tap the points silently or with the simple phrase, “I have my permission”.
Notice what you feel and think. Keep tapping until you feel calmer.
Ange Dickson Finn is an EFT International Accredited Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner. She is based in the Houston, Texas, and works with clients over the phone and via Skype. Ange has helped clients with issues including physical pain, health and well-being, work-related stress, equestrian sports and relationships. Visit her on the web at www.TapIntoYourself.com or www.RideWithoutFear.com.
From the EFTfree Archives, which are now a part of EFT International .
Originally published on Jul 12, 2014.